I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
