somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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