Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
