So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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