O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didn't notice because vodka
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
