its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
