We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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