it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
