McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
