The maid of honor just puked.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
