half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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