Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
