"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
