Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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