If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my poor anus
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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