the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
