I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Holy shit dude........stairs
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