the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
