Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
