Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
