Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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