operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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