seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
