Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there's paper in my vomit.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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