Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
