i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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