I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
