if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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