he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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