That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
