i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
