I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
