They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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