Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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