I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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