She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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