It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
