I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
