he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
