I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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