so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
