Just cropdusted the office
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
