I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
