Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
