You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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