she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
