Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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