Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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