I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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