ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
