i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
