so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
