my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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