he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
