I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
