Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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