I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
