I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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